I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
it glows. i had to have it.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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