you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
