I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
