I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
