Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I woke up under a house in Key West
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
