Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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