Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
