I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i will never coherently bang her
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Be still, my beating vagina.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
