he shaved USA in his pubs
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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