We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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