i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
