Your tits are I can't wait for
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I am naked and annoyed.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
