1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
