so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
