just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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