filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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