I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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