i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
