I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
