I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I want to make a zoo with you.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
