i would punch a child for taco bell
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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