I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
