I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
