Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
