i think my mom watched the whole time
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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