I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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