I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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