i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
