I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
