dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
