My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
