and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
