Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
