Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
