I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
