I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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