my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
