i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
