Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you didnt know i had herpes?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
