I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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