hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
