pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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