Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
