So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
