Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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