weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
