It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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