While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
