I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
