In the future we'll all be gay
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
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