it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
