I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
